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IF IT AIN'T SCOTTISH, IT'S CRAP

from CRAIC AGUS CEOL by ALTERNATIVE ULSTER

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lyrics

If it ain’t Scottish, it’s crap,
Said the lad in the tartan flat cap,
Who found him a lass,
With a lilly white ass,
Their uglies did bump and slap.

In the hills where the claymore sings,
Those two did many fine things,
When she bent for a thistle,
He produced his love missle,
And they took flight on gossamer wings.

And when she lifted his kilt,
He sheathed his dirk to the hilt,
She moaned with great pleasure,
Receiving his treasure,
For in her his seed was spilt.

If it ain’t Scottish, it’s crap,
Said the lad in the tartan flat cap,
Who found him a lass,
With a lilly white ass,
Their uglies did bump and slap.

“Wa ye think o me phallus?”,
“Well, yer no William Wallace”
Who slid his grand thing,
Into the wife of the king,
And made her his own royal palace.

The lad looked just like Austin Powers,
And shagged his lassie for hours,
And when they were done,
Having their fun,
He picked her a bouquet of flowers.

at the end of their Highland Fling
She said on me finger put a ring
So he ran to the hills
To seek other thrills
He’s the king of his own dingaling

If it ain’t Scottish, it’s crap,
Said the lad in the tartan flat cap,
Who found him a lass,
With a lilly white ass,
Alas she gave him the clap

credits

from CRAIC AGUS CEOL, released March 9, 2019

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Alternative Ulster New York

Founded in March 2015, Alternative Ulster hails from NY State's Catskill's region. Members are John McGovern on bagpipes and banjo, Todd Henry on vocals and drums and Jay Anderson on guitar and bass as well as all recording and mixing. While recording their Christmas CD, the lads needed a lady for the female lines. Wendy Henry's singing so blew them away that she's now a full member of the band ... more

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